Allow me to be of some assistance

Via Wonkette,

Republicans Have Questions For Barack Obama!

I thought I'd try my hand at some answers, as I'm pretty sure the Senator has other things to do.

(Anonymous) You said 'When Americans go to France, they don't know the language'. How many Americans do you think could actually afford to go there or would want to go? Let Hispanics learn some English before they sneak into this country first.

Dear Anonymous: I think your question was a) can Americans afford to travel to France, and b) would they want to?
Fewer Americans can afford European travel these days, due to declining wages, skyrocketing fuel costs, and the wekness of the dollar. I wonder if one of the candidates has an economic strategy that would be different from the one we have been using for the last 7 years?
Who would want to go? Anyone who isn't a total xenophobe. And as part of our massive reeducation campaign, you will be forced to visit Paris and eat cheese by the end of January 2009.

(Anonymous) Sen Obama: My 17 year old son informed me he is not going to attend college in September. His tuition has been paid and it is a lifelong ambition. Why? He says there is no benefit. He believes under your campaign promises, he will work and sacrifice for 4 to 7 years - and then you will take it away from him and give it to a highschool drop out. How do I assure him?

Dear Anonymous: Your son clearly has a drug problem. You must seek help for him immediately.

(Anonymous) Sen Obama: You speak of expanded welfare programs for "single Mothers," "unemployed youth," "sick people." Will there be "state control" to assure children don't have illigitimate babies, "youth" MUST learn to read, write, employable skills, and "the sick" desist a lifestyle that made them "sick" (smoking, drugs, obesity, etc)?

Yes. Also Republicans will have to visit Paris before given a license to purchase Cheetos.

(Anonymous) Sen Obama: I, like you, spent decades sacrificing to pay off educational loans/expenses. Now that I earn a 6 figure income, why will I be expected to give it up to support those who never sacrificed?

Dear Anonymous: Because you have bad hair and no one likes you.

(Anonymous) Sen Obama: I am approaching retirement. I have spent 30 years sacrificing 5% yearly of my income to invest in Exxon stock for retirement. Your speeches say my money will be taken to support the "poor." Have you considered I will then be "poor"?

Dear Anonymous: The deadline for sending us the routing numbers for the above mentioned account was Tuesday. How are we supposed to take all of your Exxon money if you can't even be bothered to be on time? How about a little personal responsibility?

(Anonymous) Sen Obama: You have stated you will meet, without preconditions, with terrorists and terrorist supporting nations. However, you will not meet President McCain in town hall meetings with or without preconditions. Does this reflect your absymal performances without written "speeches"?

Dear Anonymous: Senator Obama just feels really bad when Senator McCain makes an ass of himself. He's clearly acting out so that he can get some attention, and we don't want to encourage that behavior. It's unseemly. So really, if everyone would stop reinforcing his negative behavior by giving him attention, he'll probably settle down.

(Anonymous) If Obama were to talk some common sence in to the hundreds of collage anti war students thay may come to realize that thy have been played by Educators on the hourses go in front of the cairage to heal this country we get reed of personal responablty and a man of color alone will heal this counrty. Is this a Crack in the strongest link?. Is A chan only as strong as is strongest link?.

Dear Anonymous: You clearly have a serious drug problem. Please seek help.